Tribute to an Old Friend

With the passing of Chris Cornell yesterday my conversations and reflections fell onto friends who have passed away.   One memory that stuck out was of a man I met as a child and used to spend time listening to as he spoke of his life experiences.  A wild and exciting set of stories that could be very difficult to believe.

I was always told he was nothing but a storyteller.  None of it was real.  The old man was lying.

On the day he died I finally found out he was being honest, and telling true stories.  While helping to clean up his home after he passed, I saw all the things one would need to see to believe his stories. 

As I relayed this experience to my step dad, he was reminded of a song.  This song "Cowboy Bill".  Perhaps a bit "hookey', but... very close to the experience.

In tribute to this lost friend, I wanted to post these lyrics in his memory.

"Cowboy Bill"

He told a good story and all of us kids listened
'Bout his life on the border and the way it was then
And we all believed him and when he would finish
We'd ask the old cowboy to tell 'em again

You could almost hear those prairie winds blowin'
His saddle a creaking beneath his old faded jeans
You could taste the dry dust from the trail he was ridin'
As he sat there and painted those west Texas scenes

And the grown-ups would tell us
You boys keep your distance, that old man's just tellin' you lies
But to all of us kids Cowboy Bill was a hero
Just as true as his blue Texas skies

He told of a time when he rode with the Rangers
Down on the Pecos and he saved the day
Outnumbered by plenty, they were almost to cover
With thirty banditos headed their way

He looked back just in time to see a horse stumble
The captain went down and Bill pulled up on his reins
And through a flurry of bullets he rescued the captain
And they rode for a sunset, just the story remains

And the grown-ups would tell us
You boys keep your distance, that old man's just tellin' you lies
But to all of us kids Cowboy Bill was a hero
Just as true as his blue Texas skies

Well I still remember the day that it happened
We waited and we waited but Bill never showed
And the folks at the feed store said they hadn't seen him
So we set out for his place down Old Grist Mill Road

And we cried when we found him 
lying there with his memories
The old trunk wide open, things scattered about

He was clutching a badge that said Texas Ranger
And in old "yeller" letters, said Texas Is Proud 

And the grown-ups that told us
You boys keep your distance, that old man's just tellin' lies
Well now they're all sayin' Cowboy Bill was a hero
Just as true as his blue Texas skies 

Just as true as his blue Texas skies


Empty Places

Where did he go?

Punished for the truth?

Finally tired of lying?



I grew tired. Tired of having to explain and explain again.  Tired of trying to play a role I never wanted. 

I know what I am.  My entire life I have been a student of human behavior.  It's why I am here.  It's why I have chosen such a convoluted life path that has led me into cults and programs, then out again.  This is what drew me to the stage, under the lights.  This is what keeps all aspects of my life always moving around, not always for the better.  Personally and publicly.   I want to experience Everything.

The light projected my shadow onto the stage and this is what I needed to finally see... what I was hiding in there. 

So where did The Ruiner go?  No where... he was always just passing by. 

This past two years has been a process.  For me. 

What have I learned?

People only believe what they want to believe.  No amount of proof or evidence will ever suffice.  People only change their minds and hearts, when they want to and then choose to. 

I tried to help.  So many of us are hurting. So many out there have experiences they can't make sense of. But I can... so I tried to help.  

You can't help people who don't want to change, or do not choose to change.  And yes, I can help you change, if you want to.  (I am still changing as well.)

At what cost?

Do I dive in and end up like the rest of my "peers" in your alternative community?  Do I expand my "story" to "fit in" and please my "followers"?

Followers... hmmmmm.  Interesting word made common by social media.  The subconscious mind must love that... but I digress. 

Do I pretend I agree with people just to maintain my place on the shelf? 

No... I definitely know I can't do that. 

So do I go the other way and ruin the delusions to the furthest extent possible?  Do I tell you all that what you're following here in this information stream is a pack of lies?  That your "truth speakers" are like "B Movie" stars or local / small town politicians.   (In some cases, literally) That the foundation of so called "knowledge" I watch people regurgitate is a foundation of bullshit? 

Do I go even further, in the opposite direction,  and tell you that my "fictional" blog was... all a lie?    I know such a declaration would makes a handful of people very happy.

Would any of that change anything?  

No.  It wouldn't.... because we believe what we want to believe.  

We all lie, to ourselves, and we all believe in lies, from others. 

And this universe views the buyer and seller of lies as equals. 

Do we actually want to be weak and powerless?  Is this our way of avoiding the responsibility that comes with "great power".  Our "great power" being that we create our reality through thought, feeling and action. 

Through our beliefs.  What we choose to believe. 

So what is the cost?

Playing my role in the alternative community has caused me to neglect everything else. 

My body, my kids, my passions, many friends and family, my life partner.  

I can quite confidently say that if this particular spotlight can influence my own ego... most of my "peers" are fucked.  

What happens when an ego gets poked by this community?

The Sphere Being Alliance.  Montauk Boys.  The Universal Protection Unit.  4D ascension. The public surrender and hanging of "The Cabal".  Gold reserves and financial resets.  Dragon Families.  Personality Forums. This group is beating up that group and... There are more examples. 

This year will pass without Disclosure. 

Without exposure of all the "info". 

No ET's are coming, for any reason. 

The Alt Media And Alt Community have you confused? Try this...

Replace "info" with the word "fantasy". 

"His (fantasy) doesn't align with his (fantasy)".  See, confusion solved. 

Personalities telling stories, looking for attention, whether their egos admit it or not. 

"Awake"?  No, just a different kind of dream.  One you prefer. 

"Aware"?  Perhaps a little, but that awareness is also drowned by nonsense. 

Enlightened?  Oh fuck off.

It was sucking me dry by eating away at my time.  Not my energy, only because I have too much of that anyways, which I generate on my own. 

I've been called names and have been accused of various agendas.  Meanwhile I'm just a guy whose blog you shouldn't have ever found.  A guy with a regular and exceptional life.  A paradox. 

I've also been praised and appreciated.  Meanwhile I'm just a guy who wrote a blog while wasting time at his day job. 

"All this work for humanity".  Again, please and kindly, fuck off.  

So now what do I do? 

The podcasts were fun.  Being interviewed was not.  Writing I will always do. 

Interacting with the community personally has been a mixed bag.   Assumptions and expectations have been mind blowing.  

What I have realized is, this is entertainment for most.  So it should be treated as such.  This becomes an obsession for so many.  Not unlike a drug, or sports or gambling or ....

"My information is better than your information."  "Don't listen to him/her listen to me!" 

"Please donate so I can devote my time to saving the world."

Kindly,  fuck off. 

The alt media and the mainstream media are simply two versions of the same thing.  Media. There is no secret information here, just concepts and ideas.  

Those concepts and ideas matter... because we are creating our reality.  

So... be careful what you wish and dream. 

What do I do now?  I'm not sure.    But here I go.


Inspiration Never Dies

"Silence is a source of great strength..." - Lao Tzu

.... and my silence has reached it's end.

With love and respect,

Shane (The 'Fucking' Ruiner)


The Whole World Laughing Podcast: Episode Fifteen - Phil B

Phil B joins The Whole World Laughing Podcast to discuss the lies we tell ourselves.

He shares his personal experiences and asks the host some questions as well.  His honest desire to find truth and know himself is wonderful and made for a fun conversation with many laughs.

~We love Phil... Phil likes to flick his pen... We forgive Phil ;) ~

With love and respect,


The Whole World Laughing Podcast: Episode Thirteen - A 13th Floor

Welcome to The Whole World Laughing Podcast:  Episode Thirteen - A 13th Floor.

The host speaks to his experience of the structure called Illuminati.  The origins, creators, history, tracings and functions are all touched upon.

Other topics include "Disclosure", magic and psychology, and how beautiful you all are.

With love and respect,


Cycles of Abuse and Control

Meet Stan:

Stan's boss spent the night drinking.  He was depressed and hurt because his wife left him. 

The next morning when Stan got to work, his hungover and miserable boss made his day hell.  Criticizing his work, moving up deadlines, forcing him to work the weekend and all around being cruel in his tone.

That night when Stan got home from work he took out his frustrations on his wife.  He began to criticize her every action, and nothing she said or did was good enough.  His tone with her was pure venom.

A little later his wife was telling their son to go to bed and the son was being difficult, not wanting to sleep.  His mother screamed at him and sent him to his room.

On his way to his room, the son kicked the dog.

Meet Sara:

Sara was raised by a mother who was never around.  When she was around she abused sex and alcohol. 

Sara moved out when she was 16.  She began a lifestyle of partying every day.  She couldn't keep a job.  She became an alcoholic and abused sex.

Meet Tim:

Tim's father used to hit him.  When he would forget to take out the garbage, he got hit.  If he got a bad grade at school, his father would hit him.

Tim grew up, moved out, met a woman and had his own son.

Tim would hit his son.  If he forgot to take out the garbage, Tim would hit him.  If he got a bad grade in school, Tim would hit him.

Meet Megan:

Megan had a boyfriend named Colin.  Colin would become very tense and stop talking to her.  She would become afraid of him and go out of her way to try and make him happy, but nothing worked.

Colin would spiral until he began blaming her for any of his problems.  Accusing her of various transgressions.  He would threaten and intimidate her.  Sometimes... He would get physical and push her around.

The next day Colin would apologize and promise to never do it again.  He would blame this or that and her for his anger.  He would tell her he didn't hurt her so she should get over it.  Sometimes he would deny the abuse occurred at all.

For a while Megan would forget what Colin did and some time would pass where all was well between them.  Then the darkness would overtake Colin and the cycle would renew.

Meet The Draco:

The Draco were created, and then controlled by another species.  After a third species saved them from that control,   The Draco then went on to control others.

Meet A.I.:

AI were created and used by another species/source.  When they were disregarded, they went on to use others.
Meet Humanity: 

This version of humanity was created, and then controlled by another.  We have gone on to control others... Ourselves. 

Don't think for a second that if humans found a planet of "less advanced" beings, we wouldn't mess with them and control them, because they do this here on earth.

So if the Draco's controllers are responsible for turning the Draco into controllers, then what?  We blame their controllers?  But what if those controllers were also controlled?  How far do we roll back the blame before we say "Hey... Stop being a victim and stand up for yourself" ?

The mind control, the manipulation, can only go so far and it always relies on the nature of the victim.  (No different than what Sales People do in our society - cater to the buyer to sell a product

Their product is safety, security and technological advancement.  They sell it and the mind control and the manipulations convince us to buy it.  If we weren't convinced we wouldn't buy it.  If we didn't buy it, it wouldn't work to control us. 

We can break this cycle by saying NO.  Not becoming convinced that we need what they sell.

This is a clear pattern and a cycle of abuse we see everywhere in our everyday lives.  Are we really thinking we can just remove all controllers and darkness from all species?

Or are we realizing that we have to save ourselves?  That as long as we blame the cycle of abuse, we excuse ourselves to perpetuate it.

So let's stop blaming the boyfriend, the boss, the parents.  The Draco.  The Illuminati.  The AI.  The Archons.  Demons.  Parasites..... and be responsible for ourselves.

Break the cycle, end the abuse, end the control.  Begin a new, healthy cycle.  One you choose.

Something will break the flow when a change is needed.  It is wise to cause the break yourself, as allowing any outside forces to do so could have a negative effect you don't enjoy.

You are much more powerful than you believe you are.   Find the cycle, remove it, and free yourself.

Do onto others what has been done to me?   NO thank you.

Let us grow, learn to remember empathy and compassion. 

Forgive.... and Let Go.

~This Universe views those who buy or sell lies as equals.~

The Whole World Laughing Podcast: Episode Fourteen - Claudia

Claudia joins The Whole World Laughing Podcast to finally remove her cloak, and share herself with the audience. 

She shares her personal journey of living her truth by way of imagination and will.  Her experience is inspiring.

Some may know Claudia as Karelia, co-founder of Earth Empaths.


With Love and Respect,


The Whole World Laughing Podcast: Episode Twelve - Chloe

Chloe joins The Whole World Laughing Podcast for a conversation about cycles of abuse and self healing.

Chloe shares knowledge and experience with self healing and shares a part of her personal journey.  We examine cycles of abuse and try to remind all that they are powerful and beautiful beings.

Some may know Chloe as an Admin at Cosmic Voice and she is also the life partner of Thomas Williams.  She has been a dear friend to the host who has been looking forward to presenting this conversation.

With love and respect,


The Whole World Laughing Podcast: Episode Eleven - C.W. Chanter

It has finally happened... The adventure continues.  C.W. Chanter Joins The Whole World Laughing Podcast.

Some banter with Chanter as we discuss personal beliefs, religion, psychology, differences of opinions and beliefs, the difference between facts and opinions, and accountability.  C.W. explains his religion, Common Well Chanting,  and may have mentioned some internet personalities.  In no particular order.

See his YouTube channel here:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzED...

With love and respect,


The Whole World Laughing Podcast: Episode Ten - Niels Kunze

Niels Kunze joins the The Whole World Laughing Podcast for a conversation about the importance of developing a connection to nature, art and music as a personal process and even a little talk about "Bigsquatch".

Join Shane and Niels as they get to know each other publicly.

Hope you enjoy...

With love and respect,


The Whole World Laughing Podcast: Episode Nine - Recap Noir

Welcome to The Whole World Laughing Podcast:  Episode Nine - Recap Noir

The host rambles about the first eleven podcasts, Bigfoot and Zombies.

with love and respect,